Besides that, most weddings follow somewhat predictable patterns as described above.

More differences would be evident in the traditional wedding ceremonies than in the receptions.

But that may be the extent of the similarities.

About a week before the wedding, the family of the groom will go (without the groom) to the house of the Indonesian bride bringing various gifts that are arranged in red baskets or red boxes or other red containers.

Red symbolizes happiness and prosperity for the Chinese. Each basket should be carried by a member of the immediate family of the groom.

The contents of the basket determines who should carry each basket.

The baskets from the groom should all be carried by males. They contain various items, such as fruit in one basket, clothes in another, gold jewelry for the Indonesian bride in another.

Some are gifts from the groom and others are gifts from the family of the groom. Another basket contains 'uang susu' (milk money).

Depending on the wealth of the Indonesian family the gifts will be more or less generous.

The Indonesian bride's family then accepts the baskets and takes them off to another room. Then ... this is the good part ... they sort through the gifts.

Normally half of the gifts are placed back in the baskets and returned to the family of the groom. The basket is then returned to the person that brought it and everybody goes home. Three days before the wedding, the Indonesian bride's family returns the favor and brings red baskets to the groom's house.

These baskets are carried by females of the bride's immediate family. The baskets normally contain clothes for the groom, shoes and fruit. Basically, things that he would use everyday.

Some of the baskets contain makeup and personal things for the Indonesian bride, such as nightgowns. This symbolizes that the groom's family is accepting her into their house.

On her wedding day when she moves in, all of her personal belongings will already be in the groom's house.

Again the gifts are sorted through and about half are returned. Different ethnic Chinese groups will have variations on these proceedings, some more strictly adhered to than others.

For example, Hokian, Cantonese or Kai have slight variations on these customs.

For some, the groom's family will be invited into the new couple's bedroom after the bride's gifts have been received into the house and they will be invited to have a 'closet inspection'.

It is expected that the Indonesian bride has placed her things neatly in the closets indicating that she will be a good housekeeper.

On the morning of the wedding day, the groom is symbolically dressed by his parents (helping him put his jacket on and his flower on his lapel).

Then the groom and his parents would go to the house of the bride. The wedding couple would serve tea to both sets of parents while kneeling down in front of them.

This symbolizes paying their respects as well as asking permission of their parents.

The Indonesian bride and groom would then go to the church, together in the same car, for the service.

The church service is not really considered that important and only immediate family normally attend. The more important event to attend is the reception.

After the church service, the newlyweds proceed to a professional photo studio and have their picture taken in 20 different poses so they have something to show their children 20 years later.

After the photo session, the newlyweds go on to the reception that is usually a standing only event. The reception is run by an MC, usually someone who is hired to do the job and has perhaps met the couple once on a previous occasion to ask them some very informal questions so as he can pretend to know them.

The reception begins with a speech of welcome from the MC.

The speech is followed by cake cutting ceremony. The wedding cake is usually a monstrous size.

Normally it is lapis Surabaya (a layer cake) as the layers symbolize a ladder that you can climb up to success.

It is also for this reason that some couples will cut the cake from the bottom layer and work their way upwards rather than starting at the top and working their way to the bottom!

The cutting of the cake is usually the only event at the reception. The bride and groom cut the cake together and then feed the cake to each other with entwined arms, trying not to destroy the bride's elaborate makeup in the process.

Then a piece of the cake would also be cut for each of the parents and grandparents and they too would be fed by the bride and groom holding the cake together.

After the cake cutting, and sometimes a toast, the guests are invited to shake hands with the newlyweds and their parents on the stage.

In all weddings there is some musical entertainment as the attendees line up to shake hands.

This could be as simple as a man with a keyboard up to the Jakarta Symphony or Twilite Orchestra. You would also shake hands again when you are going to leave.

At more elaborate ethnic Chinese weddings, there could be a sit-down wedding reception.

If this is the case, expect an elaborate 9 to 10 course meal. It could feature Chinese cuisine only, or be mixed with western dishes as well.

There could be a female singer or two, usually from Taiwan. Occasionally, friends or family members will get up from the audience to sing for the wedding couple. The head tables will usually get a bottle of cognac or whiskey.

At the weddings of the very wealthy, beer, wine or champagne maybe served to the guests.

Most of the ethnic Chinese customs that a decade ago would have been compulsory are being ignored by the younger generation today.

Most of the customs that are carried out are done so to satisfy parents.

Welcoming the bridegroom ceremony

• The bridegroom is welcomed with the umbul-umbul, a decoration indicating that a wedding ceremony is going on, which is also auspicious for the bridegroom.

• The welcome is followed by a procession of ladies with candles. They pray to the Almighty seeking His blessing in order that there maybe no hindrances in the ceremony.

• The showering of flowers by the dancers is symbolic of a fragrant future for the couple.

• The umbrella held over the couple's heads, apart from serving as a protective symbol, indicates esteem and respect.

• The mother of the bride gives the bridegroom a garland of flowers indicating his acceptability to the family.

• The mother of the bride gives the bridegroom a keris, a hidden message to the son-in-law not to be disheartened while toiling for his family.

Wedding ceremony

The bride and groom are seated next to each other with a selendang or veil covering their heads indicating two people but having one mind.

The bride and groom bend forward and kiss the knees of their parents, called sungkem, asking for forgiveness and blessing and reassuring them that they will continue to serve their parents.

Sawer

This ceremony should take place in front of the sawer or gargoyle. The water flowing from the gargoyle indicates the continuous flow of priceless parental love for their children.

The bride and groom are seated under an umbrella in front of the entrance to the house. There are two singers, a man and a woman, who sing on behalf of the parents.

The song, called kidung, advises the couple to treat each other well, living in harmony, and serves as a prayer to the Almighty to bless the couple. Then the sawer is showered on the couple.

It consists of:

Turmeric rice Rice is a sign of prosperity and yellow stands for everlasting love

Coins Reminding the couple to share their wealth with the less fortunate

Candy Indicates sweetness and fragrance throughout their marriage

A betel nut set near the couple is a reminder that their different customs should not spoil their harmonious marriage.

Nincak Endog

This is the egg breaking ceremony. The couple are required to stand facing each other in front of the entrance of the house. The bridegroom stands outside the entrance and the bride is inside the entrance.

This ceremony is conducted by the lady in charge of the bridal makeup and serves as advice to the couple for their happiness and long wedded life.

The following items are used:

a. Harupat, seven broomsticks, are burnt and thrown away symbolizing the discarding of bad habits which endanger one. s married life.

b. An egg is broken, indicating that the groom will be the master of the house henceforth and the bride will serve him.

c. Ajug, seven candles, represents the direction the couple should follow to ensure a happy married life.

d. Elekon, hollow bamboo, which symbolizes emptiness.

e. Kendi, an earthen water jug filled with water, which stands for peace.

f. In the past, unmarried girls were not allowed to cross over logs. Here the bride is made to cross the log as a sign that she will always obey her husband.

The lady in charge of the ceremony gives the bride the harupat. The groom lights the harupat with the ajug.

Then the flames are put out and the sticks are broken and thrown away. After the groom breaks the egg with his right foot, the bride cleans the groom's foot with the water from the kendi. Then the bride throws the kendi to break it.

Then the couple are escorted to the house. The bride crosses the log and enters the house while the groom remains outside to perform the buka pintu ceremony.

Buka Pintu

This is a dialogue between the bride and groom in front of the house. However, they are represented by a couple who also sings for them.

First, the couple knocks three times on the door, then enters into a dialogue whereby permission is requested by the groom to enter the bride's house.

The bride consents on the condition that the groom will say the syahadat (confirming his Moslem faith). The song also solemnizes the importance of the nuptial ceremony.

Huap Lingkung

Symbolic of the last time the parents of the bride will feed their daughter. This is also the first dish prepared by the daughter in her new home.

The dish consists of turmeric sticky rice with yellow spiced chicken on top of it.

Patarik-Tarik Bakakak

The couple are given a barbecued spiced chicken. On hearing the word . go. from the lady conducting the ceremony, the couple has to pull the chicken apart.

The one who gets the larger piece supposedly will bring in the larger share of the family fortune.

This ceremony also serves to remind the couple to encourage each other to work hard together to gain good fortune.

Indonesian government regulations do NOT treat these two circumstances in the same manner.

Almost all the regulations that apply to foreign wives of Indonesian men are very different than those that apply to foreign husbands of Indonesian women, few similarities can be found between the two circumstances.

We will attempt to touch on our understanding some of the pertinent regulations that affect the lives of people in these marriages.

Be forewarned that there is GREAT leeway in the regulations. Some people find that they can wind their ways through their document needs in Indonesian officialdom with paying few bribes ... but most will utilize the Indonesian spouse's family connections, and/or facilitating payments, to lessen the trials.

The basis for the difference in treatment seems to be related to the issue of working.

Foreign wives of Indonesian husbands are assumed by the Indonesian government to be housewives and mothers.

Foreign husbands of Indonesian women are assumed to be looking for a job. The Indonesian government treats these two cases very differently.

Foreign wives can easily enter Indonesia under an ikut suami status, these women are assumed to be 'following their husbands'.

The vital document for this status is the marriage certificate. Foreign husbands, on the other hand, must obtain a sponsor and work permit before they are issued a visa to reside in Indonesia.

They are treated in the same manner as any other foreigner who wants to come to Indonesia to work.

Differences in the strictness of the application of the law also depend on who you are speaking to in a government office, some officers being more accommodating than others, as well as which sub branch government office you are dealing with. To put it simply ... regulations are not applied equally for all.

Getting Married in Indonesia

In accordance with Law No. 1 of 1974 concerning marriages in Indonesia Article 2 (1): "a marriage is legitimate if it has been performed according to the laws of the respective religious beliefs of the parties concerned.

"All couples who marry in Indonesia must declare a religion. Agnosticism and Atheism are not recognized.

The Civil Registry Office (Kantor Catatan Sipil) can record marriages of persons of Islam, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian-Protestant and Christian-Catholic faiths.

Marriage partners must have the same religion, otherwise one partner must make a written declaration of change of religion.

The Religious Marriage under Islam is performed by the Office of Religious Affairs (Kantor Urusan Agama) in a ceremony at a mosque, the home, a restaurant, or any other place chosen by the couple and is legal immediately after the ceremony.

A Christian, Hindu or Buddhist marriage is usually performed first in a church or temple ceremony.

After the religious ceremony, every non-Islamic marriage must be recorded with the Civil Registry (Kantor Catatan Sipil).

Without the registration by the Civil Registry these marriages are not legal.

Recording by Civil Registry officials can be performed directly at the religious ceremony for an additional fee.

Persons of non-Islamic faith are required to file with the Civil Registry Office in the Regency where they are staying first a Notice of Intention to Marry as well as a Letter of "No Impediment to Marriage" (Surat Keterangan tentang tidak adanya halangan terhadap perkawinan) obtained from their consular representatives.

For the issue of the Letter of No Impediment to Marriage by your Consular Representative you may need to present for yourself and your fiance(e) your: 1. certificate of birth, 2. certificate of your local council stating your nationality, legal address and marital status 3. Passport(s) valid for more than 6 months for foreign citizens, or KTP (Identity card) for Indonesian citizens, and 4. Certified Divorce Decrees (absolute/final) and/or Death Certificates regarding the termination of all previous marriages. 5. Surat kesehatan (letter of good health) issued by the foreign embassy/consulate stating that the expat spouse is in good health and able to marry.

Different countries may have different requirements, so contact the Consular Representative of your country in their Jakarta Embassy for details well before the intended date of marriage.

For the Notice of Intention to Marry you have to submit some or all of the following documents for both partners to the Civil Registry Office. (Show the original and give them a photocopy - all documents should not be older than three months prior to the wedding):

1. Certificate of the religious marriage, 2. Passport for foreign citizens, or KTP (Identity card) for Indonesian citizens, 3. Certified birth certificate, legalized and translated into Bahasa Indonesia, 4. Certified divorce decree (absolute) or death certificates regarding the termination of all previous marriages, 5. Proof that all taxes for the foreigner were paid, 6. Certificate of the structure of your family 7. Certificate of birth for all your legal children 8. Certificate of religion 9. Certificate of your marital status 10. Four 4 x 6 cm photos, both partners side by side, 11. Foreign citizens: 'Letter of No Impediment to Marriage' issued by your Consular Representative, 12. For Indonesian citizens: never married: a Surat Keterangan Belum Kawin from RT, Kepala Desa or Lurah (district chief); Men aged 18-21 and women aged 16-21: 13. Parental letter of consent, signed across the meterai/tax stamp Rupiah 6,000. Before the marriage, you and your fiance(e) also may wish to file with the Civil Registry a prenuptial Property Agreement (Surat Pernyataan Harta) which must be signed before a local Notary Public.

This contract is necessary if you wish to hold property separately during the marriage. In the absence of such a document, Indonesian marriage law assumes joint ownership of property.

Two witnesses over the age of 18 are required. They must show the originals and present photocopies of their passports if they are foreign citizens or KTP (identity cards) if they are Indonesian citizens. Civil Registry employees can act as witnesses.

The Civil Registry office has a Mandatory Waiting Period of 10 working days from the date of filing.

This waiting period may be waived for tourists presenting a guest registration form (Form A). Islamic Marriage Certificates (Buku Nikah) issued by the Office of Religious Affairs (Kantor Urusan Agama) are legally valid in Indonesia and do not require registration with any other agency if you are going to live in Indonesia.

However, if you might move somewhere else in the future, get a marriage certificate issued by the Civil Registry and an officially certified translation right away (see below).

All other Marriage Certificates will be issued by the Civil Registry usually on the same or next day.

A sworn English translation of the marriage certificate should be obtained for use abroad. It may be necessary for the marriage certificate or translation to be registered by your Consular Agency.

Or you may choose to have the sworn translation of the marriage certificate verified or a special translation made by the Consular Agency of your home country or the Consular Agency of your country of residence might prove useful.

Process of legalization of documents: 1. Legalization of all documents is done by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs (Departemen Luar Negeri), Directorate for Consular Affairs - Legalization Section, Jl. Taman Pejambon 6, Jakarta Pusat 2. Then these documents have to be translated into Bahasa Indonesia by a certificate translator. 3. The translations have to be validated by the Ministry of Justice (Departemen Kehakiman), Legalization Section, Jl. Rasuna Said 3, Kuningan, Jakarta Selatan and also by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. When you finish all the paperwork detailed above, take it to your government's embassy in Jakarta where they can validate any necessary documents.

In your home country, you can present these wide array of official documents to the local government to get a legal wedding certificate in your home country.

After reading through the extensive bureaucracy involved for foreigners marrying Indonesians ... you can see why a lot of them opt to marry overseas instead !

Getting Married Abroad A foreign marriage certificate will be recognized by the Indonesian government (for the purposes of Indonesian paperwork) if you take your foreign marriage certificate to the Indonesian consular office and have an Indonesian translation of the foreign marriage certificate "consularized" by the Indonesian consular office for the area which you live.

The consularization process means that the verify the validity of the document and stamp the back of the document and sign it and use an official stampl.

The Consular office can usually help you to translate your marriage certificate, for a fee. If you're not sure which consulate you should do the paperwork through, contact the Consular office of the Indonesian Embassy in your capital city, tell them which city/state/province you live in and they will tell you which consular office to go to for your paperwork.

In a few cases (usually due to differing religions) the foreign spouse may be asked to convert or the couple must remarry, but in most cases a consularized translation of the marriage certificate is adequate.

Especially in cases where the couple already have children and have been married for some time, there are fewer questions about the legality of their marriage.

Indonesian government regulations stipulate that you must return to Indonesia within a year of your marriage and register your marriage with the Civil Registry (Kantor Catatan Sipil).

When you register you will obtain a Tanda Bukti Laporan Perkawinan, which makes your marriage legal in Indonesia.

The Kantor Catatan Sipil may ask you for ... are you ready ... a letter from the foreign spouse's parents saying they give permission for the marriage, even after the fact! Seems strange ... but this request has come up repeatedly.

So, if you want to avoid hassles, get a letter from you folks or other senior family member before you start through the bureaucracy at Kantor Catatan Sipil. They may also ask for a certified letter from the foreign spouse's embassy verifying that the marriage certificate is legal ... which shouldn't be any problem if it is notarized, and especially if you have had the translation consularized by the Indonesian consular officials abroad.

If you have children, you can bring them with you to these meetings ... more proof that you're married! Don't despair, often the officials are happy with just seeing a copy of your foreign marriage certificate, consularized by the Indonesian consulate and that is adequate to register you.

But as with everything else - there is an exception to every rule!

It is customary in Indonesia to throw a big reception to which everyone one of the Indonesian partner's family members, friends and acquaintances is invited.

Some couples who have married abroad may opt to have a reception in Indonesia which, in theory, demonstrates the Indonesian spouse's family's support of the marriage.

Inter-faith marriages

Indonesian government regulations make it difficult for people of different faiths to marry. If you want to be married in Indonesia, the official government regulation is that either the bride or groom must convert to the other's religion.

This can be done in the Kantor Urusan Agama in the Religious Affairs Ministry.

While for some this is a true conversion, for others this is simply a paperwork formality to enable the couple to marry and ease documentation procedures.

As with everything else - you may find yourself the exception, with no one asking anything about your faith when you go to get married or register your marriage.

In many cases the man is asked (by the girl's family or religious leaders in her community) to get circumcised.

In some cases they'll ask for visual proof, in others, they'll take your word for it ... !

In Islam, it is forbidden for a Muslim woman to marry a man who is not Muslim - thus the pressure will build from the Indonesian fiance and her family for the expatriate non-Muslim man to convert.

Conversely, a Muslim man may marry someone who is one of the "People of the Book" who share the historic religious roots of Islam - Christian and Jewish women.

The understanding though is that the children of these couples must be raised Muslim. In fact, these mixed religious couples will raise their children as they see fit.

We've seen examples of strict Muslim upbringing, strict Christian upbringing, no religious participation/attendance, and even indifference to religious upbringing.

Some inter-faith Indonesian couples purposefully get married while they are overseas and return with the marriage a fait accompli ... legal documents and all ... and that is one way out of one of the Indonesian partners having to convert in order to marry.

Mind you we are simply discussing legalities here.

Once you move to Indonesia, one may find that the pressures from the Indonesian spouse's family and friends may influence the foreign spouse's previous decision to convert or not to convert to the Indonesian spouse's religion.

Indonesian society tends to be much more religious than western societies.

Even if your Indonesian fiance isn't particularly religious, be prepared for his/her family to be so.

Generally speaking Indonesians find it very difficult to go against their family's wishes.

There is a support group for foreign women married to Indonesian men who are considering converting to Islam, called Sisters.

There is also a support group in Jakarta for expat men (mostly married to Indonesian women) who have converted to Islam Jakarta International Muslim Society.

Be advised that all Indonesians living overseas must register their presence with the nearest Indonesian consular office.

The penalty if you do not do this within two years of your arrival is certain complications in renewal of passports, and could even entail loss of Indonesian citizenship.