Before the wedding takes place, costumed children in a noisy procession carry lavish trays of food and currency folded into flower or animal shapes to the home of the malaysian bride.

These generous gifts are from the groom. A Malaysian marriage is not only seen as joining two people, but it is seen as joining two families.

This is because the two families will end up spending a lot of time together.

The Malaysian bride and groom are treated as kings and queens for a day, because it is THEIR special day, and is all about them.

They dress up in gorgeous and opaque brocades. The marriage in Malaysia is usually accompanied by a huge ceremony, filled with family and friends.

As a favor, each guest is given a hard boiled egg that is beautifully decorated. This is a sign of fertility.

This is the most complicated Malaysian ceremony, and there is a great deal of fun and festivity attached to it all.

The part that strikes us as most odd is the fact that Malaysian bride and groom are not supposed to see each other prior to the wedding - marriages being entirely arranged by the respective parties parents.

The Malaysian girl in her youth has been kept in the house, and has very little to say about marriage. The man has more to say.

This follows the general custom of the East. When the young man's parents think it time for his marriage, thy decide who f the eligible Malaysian girls is the best 'catch', having an eye fixed on the richest parents - of course.

When they have made their selection, they chose a suitable relation to go and 'sound' the brides' parents on the subject. (It would never do for them to go in person, their proposal may be refused and that would be an unbearable snub)

The selected relation does not by any means make any direct proposals. Oh! no! The questions she asks are something of this nature: After a long conversation about the weather etc:-

"And how old is your daughter Fatima now? Sixteen Is she really, and not yet betrothed. Well, I expect you will be glad to get her married and off your hands. What do you propose to give by way of a dowry?

These are nice little cakes. I suppose Fatima can do all the cooking for a household by now.

I thought Fatima looked a little off colour the other day - does she enjoy good health? You know that young nephew of mine Ahmad - he is a fine chap, and has a splendid job.

I am afraid he will be looking for a wife soon. Oh well I must stay here talking all day. Good day".

From the interview Auntie will have gathered the impression that either Fatima's parents would accept Ahmad as a son in law or else - there is nothing doing.

If Ahmads' Aunties report is favourable, Ahmad's father will put on his best clothes and call on Fatima's father, and they will discuss business, dowry etc.

Hari-Berhinas In their separate homes the Malaysian bride and bridegroom are each 'at home' to their relatives. Their finger tips are stained with henna. An amazing piece of tomfoolery takes place on this day.

The bridegroom is carried by his friends to the bride's house, where they pretend to come and steal the bride.

The Malaysian bride takes no part in the pantomime, but her supporters ' repel the would-be kidnappers'.

The proceedings close with the brides party agreeing to sell her for a sum of money, the contract to be ratified the following day. The bridegroom is taken home by his supporters, still not having seen his pretty Malaysian girl.

Hari-Bersanding This is a day of great trial for the young couple. They are each dressed up in as much finery as their families can beg, borrow or steal, and are seated on two thrones on a dias in the principal room of the brides house.

They must sit with their hands on their knees, with their eyes cast down, and they must not look at each other.

(when it is remembered that they have not yet seen each other(officially) it will be realised that it requires great respect for the conventions to stop the couple having a peep.

This sitting in state is called Bersanding and lasts many hours, during which the wedding guests who are being entertained on the verandah, or in the court, wander in and crack jokes, some of them rather near the bone, at the young couple.

It is far into the night before the festivities of the day come to a close, and the young couple are allowed to retire - each to their own room!! The bridegroom sleeps in the bridal chamber alone. Hari Manoi Safar On this day, the last of the long winded ceremony, the bride and groom receive a ceremonial bath at the hands of the Imam (corresponds roughly to our baptism - start married life with a clean sheet)

Even after all this, the bride and groom do not necessarily live together.

If a man wants to rid himself of a Malaysian girl, to whom he is married, his just line of action is to go to his father-in-law, and lay his complaint.

He informs him that he is going to divorce the Malaysian girl, and they decide between them how much dowry is to be repaid.

The man must then go to the Khakhin of the Mosque, and lay his complaint. Divorce is divided into three categories.

1 st Tala this amounts to ... .off the Malaysian girl for 40 days. The Malaysian girl may not remarry during this period,- the man may.

If the man changes his mind he may take the Malaysian girl back at any time during this period. The man is not liable for alimony after the first 40 days. The Malaysian girls parents must then support her.

2 nd Tala This is the same as the 1 st, and is applicable when his wife is divorced under the 1 st Tala is remarried to her husband

3 rd Tala This follows the other two but is far more final. After this divorce, the man cannot take the Malaysian girl back unless she has been married and divorced by another man in the meantime.

Remarrying a former Malaysian wife under these conditions is known as "China Buta". If a man has a particular hate for his Malaysian wife, he may divorce her in all 3 cats: at once.

He simply has to present her with the letter of divorces prepared by the Khathir, and say to her "I divorce you" three times.

There is a well known racket in connection with 'China Buta' Often in the course of a lover's quarrel the man divorces his wife in all three cats.

He then thinks it over, and decides that he wants her back. He cannot remarry her until she has been married and divorced by another man.

What he does is to engage a man to formally marry the Malaysian girl and divorce her the following day. Of course, he gets badly stung if the husband for a day takes a liking to the Malaysian girl and will not divorce her.

The procedure to get married in Malaysia is quite simple. You have a choice of three (3) different procedures to getting married. All three (3) have the same legal effect.

Marriage at the office of the Registrar of Marriages.

Marriage through a religious ceremony, custom or usage such as a temple or church where the temple/church official is an appointed Assistant Registrar ; or Marriage by special licence from the Chief Minister. Marriage at the Registrar's Office Both of you must give notice of marriage in the prescribed form to the Registrar of Marriage of your marriage district in which you have been resident at least seven (7) days before the giving of such notice.

The Registrar will put it up on the notice board of the Registry until the Malaysian girl grants her certificate for marriage or until three (3) months have elapsed, whichever is earlier. If both of you have been residents for the required period in the same marriage district, only one such notice is required.

Both of you must also sign a written declaration in the prescribed form stating that you have complied with all the requirements and that there are no legal obstacles.

When the notice has been on the board for at least twenty-one (21) days, the Registrar shall, upon payment to the Malaysian girl of the prescribed fee, issue her certificate of marriage. You must then make a date for the marriage to be solemnized by the Registrar. This has to take place within six (6) months from the date of the notice.

If the marriage does not take place within the specified period, a fresh notice has to be given. After the marriage at the Registry, you will be legally married.

You may go through a customary ceremony if you wish but you are required to produce your certificate of marriage to the person officiating the ceremony.

Marriage through a religious ceremony You may have your marriage solemnized in accordance with your religion, custom or usage by your clergyman, minister or priest.

The clergyman, minister, priest or person solemnizing your marriage must have duly been appointed Assistant Registrar of Marriages and has the power to conduct marriages.

Before the marriage is solemnized, you must deliver to the Assistant Registrar of Marriages the prescribed statutory declaration signed by both of you saying that you have complied with all the requirements and that there are no legal obstacles.

Marriage by licence If the Malaysian girl is between sixteen (16) and eighteen (18) years of age, OR she wishes to have her marriage solemnized at a place other than the office of a Registrar OR at some other time than the prescribed time, then the Malaysian girl must get a special marriage licence from the Chief Minister for such purpose.

In such a case, the Malaysian girl does not have to give notice or obtain a certificate of marriage but she has to produce a statutory declaration that all requirements have been complied with and that there are no legal obstacles to the marriage. The licence is valid for only one (1) month and the Malaysian girl must get married within the period.

Generally, the documents you need are: Passports accompanied with a photocopy of the data page and date of latest entry page into Malaysia.

One colored Malaysian passport size photograph. Application form "Borang JPN KCO1" for normal or special marriage.

Affidavit of marital status. Application form "Borang G" for marriages performed by parish or temple priests.

If previous marriages were terminated by divorce, both parties must submit original or certified copy of final or absolute divorce decree.

If terminated by death of a spouse,submit original or certified copy of the death and marriage certificates.

"Borang JPN KCO1" and "Borang G" are available at the office of the registrar of marriages.

You must stay in the country for 7 days before you can give your 21-day notice of intention of a marriage. You have to get married within 6 months after you have given your notice of intention IF there is no objection by any parties.

I am sure you would like to know how much will a marriage in Malaysia costs you. The normal civil marriage costs RM 30 and you pay at the time of marriage ceremony. If you do not intend to have another marriage ceremony back home, then I would advise you to get the marriage certificate validated by the Foreign Affairs Malaysia and your embassies before you left Malaysia.

This will make life so much easier when you want to get it recognized by your country. If you have anymore doubts, you can contact :

The Registrar of Marriages Malaysia National Registration Department 46551 Petaling Jaya Selangor Darul Ehsan Malaysia Telephone: (03) 7955-1255 – Marriage Department Fax: (03) 7955-1608. Kuala Lumpur Office: (03) 2692-5018 You should also double check with your embassies to avoid any misunderstanding.